Can't find a reason

I spend a good deal of time planning how to sabotage my quit. I do not want to smoke. I do not want to be a smoker. I do not want to stink of smoke. I do not want to bear the expense. I do not want the health risks. I want my lungs to heal. I want to be able to breathe. I know all this, but the junkie part of my brain acts on its own and continues to plot how to blow my quit.It is very strange to watch that part of my brain in action. I recognize the junkie thinking and find it fascinating. I believe that there is definitely a subconscious center of activity in our minds that attempts to preserve our addiction. We may call it the nicodemon, or other less printable names, but whatever name we may use, we should realize that it is REAL and it is a part of our own psychological makeup. Once we recognize that the demon really does exist, we must plan ways to deal with it. This is what we do when we have our quit aids at the ready, when we use NRTs or Chantix or Zyban, when we chew on straws, drink gallons of ice water and suck on lollipops. All of these activities are devised by our rational brain to outwit and outmaneuver our junkie brain.I have spent the greater part of my life as a smoker. Cigarets have been an integral part of my life. I have now decided to make a dramatic and traumatic change in my lifestyle by discontinuing use of this deadly substance. The consequences of this change, while overwhelmingly positive, also have some unpleasant (albeit temporary) side effects. High on the list of unpleasant side effect are the urges to smoke that come whenever I encounter a situation that had previously been an occasion to smoke a cigaret, One of the methods that I use to cope with the urges is to remind myself that smoking is a choice,smoking cessation, Just as I once chose to smoke, I now choose to not smoke. I can, at any moment, chose to remain smoke free or choose to smoke a cigaret. For ME,stop smoking, that affirmation of free will is a vital part of maintaining my quit. I actually tell myself (sometimes out loud) that I CAN smoke if I choose to. But, I am careful to add a caveat. I tell myself that I can smoke a cigaret at any time IF I can find a reason to smoke. I know that this is not an original idea - I’m sure that I read it here somewhere - perhaps in several places here. What I do is to ask myself (out loud) :“Why do I want a cigaret?”“ What positive result will there be if I smoke?”“ Is there any possible benefit that will result from smoking?”When the obvious answers come back indicating that there is NO possible positive aspect of smoking, I just let go of the urge and toss it out of my brain. This simple exercise works for me. It seems to be much easier than trying to remember all the reasons I quit. I don’t need to remember all of those great reasons for quitting when all I have to do is FAIL to find any reason to stick that poison in my mouth. I will only smoke if I can find a positive reason to smoke.There is no positive reason to smoke.Therefore, I do not smoke.============================I have been quit for 1 Month, 3 Weeks, 6 Days, 16 hours, 32 minutes and 57 seconds (58 days). I have saved $328.65 by not smoking 939 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 6 hours and 15 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 4/7/2009 10:00 AM